


Nightmares

by KadiRose0101



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Elemental Magic, F/F, Fluff, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29302842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KadiRose0101/pseuds/KadiRose0101
Summary: It's been a month since the Avenger's last battle. Everyone else has been going about their days as usual, but Juniper has been restless and unsettled. Everyone is beginning to notice that something is wrong with her, especially Wanda.
Relationships: Wanda Maximoff/Juniper Alder
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter contains accidental self-harm and mentions of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. If this could be triggering to you, please do not read and consider your safety. Your mental health is more important than reading this story. If you are going to read ahead though, enjoy!

It was a warm and pleasant day in upstate New York. No one had been assigned missions for the day and there was nothing to do other than lounge about. The Avengers all looked forward to a little bit of R & R, but Juniper was not thrilled in the slightest. This was exactly the kind of day she didn't want because it left her time to think. Before the battle, she would have had the same reaction as the others but she was dreading it this time.

She hated not having something to do because then her mind had time to ponder over thoughts she didn't want to have. If she was focused on a mission, then all of her attention was there and that was the only thing she would be thinking about. It was simpler to keep herself busy. In the process though, she had become more anxious and depressed. She wasn't eating as much and was spending her extra time working out and working on developing her elemental control. This resulted in her losing a lot of weight. She wasn't sleeping either. She was too terrified of the nightmares that would befall her when that was required.

She was going to treat this day as if it were any other day and try to keep herself busy. She only hoped someone would be willing to train with her today. Maybe Steve or Thor would be willing. 

Juniper had spent the previous night on a mission and didn't get back until roughly 5 AM. Everyone was still asleep when she got home, but she didn't go to lay down. She went to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee before pouring herself a cup. She sat down at the kitchen counter on a stool and looked over a file in front of her. 

After a few minutes, she heard soft footsteps coming up behind her and a set of arms wrapped around her waist from behind. The familiar scent of roses emanated around her and she knew it was Wanda. 

Juniper turned her head slightly and looked to see her girlfriend behind her. She placed a soft kiss on the woman's lips and leaned their foreheads together. She rested her hands over Wanda's which were still placed around her waist. She felt a sense of peace wash over her for a moment, feeling comforted by her girlfriend's presence.

Juniper turned back to her coffee mug to grab it and Wanda kept her arms wrapped around her.

"When did you get back?" Wanda asked.

"Only 20 minutes ago," Juniper responded.

Wanda pushed Juniper's hair over her shoulder and kissed the side of her neck. "Come to bed and get some sleep," she urged.

Juniper sighed. "I'm not tired," she stated.

The truth was that she was entirely exhausted. She had been constantly going for the past month and hadn't really taken the time to slow down and breathe. She did this mainly out of the fear that her thoughts would catch up with her and the trauma from the battle would really set in.

"When was the last time you slept?" Wanda questioned sternly.

"I'm not answering that question," Juniper spoke softly.

Wanda had been growing increasingly more concerned with her girlfriend's habits over the past month and knew that something was very wrong. She just didn't know what, because Juniper refused to talk to anyone about the situation, including her. She would have read Juniper's mind, but she had sworn she wouldn't invade her privacy, knowing that she had trust issues and that would violate that boundary.

Wanda looped around to her front and stood in between Juniper's legs. "You've got to tell me what's going on," she spoke with a concerned tone. 

Juniper looked down at her hands. "There's nothing to tell," she said.

"There obviously is," Wanda paused. "I'm worried about you."

Juniper looked up and Wanda saw the dark circles under her girlfriend's eyes and the numb look in her eyes. Every single time that Wanda looked at Juniper, something looked a little different. Another little piece had broken slightly. The purple circles under her eyes got darker, her skin got a little paler, her eyes looked a little duller, her body was becoming skinnier. 

"I'm fine, gorgeous," Juniper said and gave her a weak smile.

Wanda looked at the woman sternly with her arms crossed on her chest. Juniper launched at her, wrapping her arms around her lover, sprinkling kisses all over her face and neck. Wanda let out joyful laughs and a smile crossed Juniper's face.

Juniper trailed kisses over Wanda's neck and then worked over her jaw before making her way back to her lips. She gently held Wanda and wrapped her arms around the woman's waist. Wanda held her face and they moved their lips in sync. Juniper bit Wanda's lip softly, tugging it before gaining entrance to her mouth.

Juniper delved her tongue into Wanda's mouth, massaging their tongues together. She moved her hands down to Wanda's butt and squeezed causing a small gasp from the taller woman. Wanda pulled back for a moment with a smile on her face.

"You've gotten bold," she said moving one hand away from Juniper's face before gently moving her hand to her neck, wrapping around her throat. "I'm still bolder."

Wanda gently squeezed Juniper's throat and her mouth fell open and a small smirk sat on her face. Wanda captured Juniper's lips in another passionate kiss, tasting the sweetness of her lips. 

Out of nowhere, someone cleared their throat and the two women pulled apart, snapping their heads in the direction of the noise. They looked over to see Loki standing against the counter by the sink with a mischievous smirk on his face. Juniper's eyes widened.

"Good morning, lovebirds." He spoke.

Juniper groaned and tucked her head into Wanda's neck. Wanda chuckled and ran her fingers through her girlfriend's hair. Wanda glared at Loki for interrupting their moment.

Loki held his hands up in defense. "Don't look at me like that. If you wanted privacy, maybe a bedroom might be more suitable for these activities," he suggested.

Wanda lifted a hand and she held an ethereal red ball there. Loki backed down with his taunts and let out a chuckle before going over to the living room and sitting down on the couch.

Juniper pulled her head off of Wanda's shoulder and gave her a soft smile. Wanda smiled back and stepped out from between her legs. She walked over to the coffee pot and grabbed herself a cup of black bean juice. She sat down next to Juniper at the kitchen counter and the two began talking about whatever came to mind, but never what the reason was for the changes lately.

A few hours passed and the rest of the compound was awake. All of the Avengers were around doing their own thing and Thor had agreed to train with Juniper later on. She was thankful that the God of Thunder wanted to train because she had been wanting to try something new with her water control and his lightning bolts, thinking they could make an interesting combination.

After Wanda forced her to eat something, Juniper rushed outside to see Thor and Loki sparring with each other playfully. She was surprised to see this for a moment because usually, the two men could barely stand to be in the same room as each other. 

Thor spotted her walking over and stopped his sparring match. He gave her a bright smile and waved a hand, telling her to come closer. Loki winked at her before walking back to the compound. 

"Ready to train, little one?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes at his term of endearment. "I'm not a baby, Thor." She spoke and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You most certainly are not, but you are tiny." He spoke.

He picked her up as if she were nothing and then proceeded to throw her forty feet into the air. A small yelp escaped her lips as she wasn't expecting this action. She quickly reacted as she started heading for the ground. She burst jets of air from her hands and slowly lowered herself to the ground and settled easily.

"Good," Thor said. "You're getting better."

They practiced that throw a couple of times and he threw her higher each time. Each time, she grew more comfortable with catching herself in the air. She could get up off the ground herself perfectly fine, but she had trouble catching herself when she was falling, so it was nice to have someone help her practice.

"So, what was this idea you had?" He questioned.

"I've mastered my water control and I thought it would make for an interesting attack technique to mix water with lightning," she responded to his question. "I don't think it would kill someone, but it could subdue them for long enough."

Thor seemed interested in her suggestion. "Let's do it!"

They headed towards the back of the compound where there was a river that she could use as her water source. She could pull evaporation out of the air in battle if she needed to, but since they were nearby a bigger and easier source, she would just use this. They were still in an open field area, just further away from the main structure.

Juniper got into a steady stance and started to pull the water from the river, her eyes shining an iridescent blue as she focused. Once she had a hefty amount of water levitating in the air, she began to manipulate the water into a sphere shape. Thor then lifted Mjolnir and began to gather the electricity there before shooting it forward into the water. 

The giant sphere of water mixed with the lightning and created a dangerous orb that would conduct damage. Juniper pushed the water and lightning further away from them before making her next move.

In one sharp movement, she spread her arms open and the intermingled water and electricity exploded like a firework. It was a beautiful sight, seeing it disperse through the air and fizzle as it touched the ground, sounding like acid bubbling. Every drop that touched the ground dampened and the electricity conducted through the ground.

They both stood there in awe for several moments, proud of the new weapon they had just created together.

Wanda had been watching from the window and was just as equally shocked by the sight that just appeared and then disappeared. It was both marvelous and terrifying. She watched as the two individuals on the grass lit up with excitement.

"Let's do it again!" Juniper exclaimed with a smile on her face.

Thor nodded, returning the smile, and Juniper began conjuring the water up again. They went through this process twice more and they were both successful. 

Once the electricity dispersed a third time, Juniper noticed herself becoming very lightheaded. She was very confused by her body's reaction to the magic she just performed. She had conjured water and manipulated it many times with no issue and no change in her stature, but all of a sudden, she felt very different.

Thor had noticed the change in her composure and immediately became concerned. "Little one, are you alright?" He asked seriously.

She nodded and blinked a few times, regaining the composure she had lost. "I'm fine," she responded.

"Are you positive?" He asked.

She nodded, stepping back into her stance. "Again," she spoke, ready to go again.

"We can stop if you need to rest," he spoke.

"Again," she spoke firmly.

Thor sighed. "Alright, again then."

Juniper began conjuring the water again and felt the lightheaded feeling coming back to her. She ignored it though and kept going. She began to manipulate the water into the sphere again and then the world went dark.

It all happened so quickly. The water came crashing down over the area in a wave instead of dispersing through the air. When the water washed away, Juniper was lying on the ground soaked from head to toe. Thor looked over to her and fear set into his veins as he noticed her chest wasn't moving.

Wanda had watched the scene unfold in what seemed to be slow motion. The water had crashed over the two individuals and she had seen Juniper fall to the ground in the wave. She saw Thor kneel down next to her and start shaking her. Panic set into Wanda and she immediately raced outside to see what was wrong with her girlfriend.

She made it over to them and she also noticed that Juniper was breathing. Wanda pushed Thor out of the way and started to do chest compressions. Tears sprang to her eyes out of panic while she did this, wondering how everything had escalated so quickly.

All of a sudden, Juniper started coughing and water came out of her mouth. Wanda took a deep breath of relief when she started breathing again. Her eyes began to flutter open and she looked up at Wanda.

Wanda leaned down and pressed a kiss to her girlfriend's forehead. Juniper lifted a hand to touch Wanda's face when she pulled back. 

"You scared the shit out of me," she said with tears still coming down her face.

"G-good thing I had you to save me," Juniper joked.

Wanda chuckled. "You're lucky I love you."

There were more footsteps that started rushing over to them and Wanda turned around to see Tony, Bruce, and Nat running their way. They all had worried looks on their faces when they saw Juniper laying on the ground. 

"What happened?" Tony asked.

Thor spoke up. "Juno wanted to try something by mixing our powers together and on our fourth attempt, she passed out and the water came crashing down." 

"And you almost died in the process," Wanda said.

"I'm fine," she reassured and tried to sit up but immediately felt lightheaded again.

The world began to spin again and she became short of breath. She placed a hand over her eyes and screwed her eyes shut, trying to get everything to stop. She opened her eyes again and then the world went black again.

Bruce leaned down next to her and pressed his fingers against her neck. "She's got a pulse," he said. "Thor, can you carry her to my lab?" He asked.

Thor nodded and picked her up and they all started to rush back inside. They made it to Bruce's lab and he laid her down on the medical table in a separate room. Bruce immediately started getting her vitals. There was an intricate machine above the medical table that could perform scans.

"Jarvis, scan for issues," Tony spoke and a blue hologram scanned over her body. "Report."

The machine began to speak. "Malnutrition, dehydration, severe exhaustion. Ms. Alder's body has given out due to her severe lack of sleep and lack of nutrients. I have been monitoring her health over the past couple of weeks and she has declined rapidly," Jarvis spoke.

Tony huffed. "Why didn't you say something, Jarvis?" He questioned the AI.

"Ms. Alder advised that I not tell anyone," the AI replied.

Wanda moved forward and grabbed Juniper's hand. She was experiencing a wide range of emotions, mostly frustration and sadness. She was blaming herself for what had happened. She wondered what she had done wrong that made Juniper feel like she couldn't come to her about her issues.

"Will she be fine?" Wanda asked.

"Ms. Alder will be alright after she gets some rest and has some food," Jarvis finished explaining. 

Bruce decided that it would be alright for her to rest in her own bed and Thor helped once again by bringing her to her bedroom. Everyone left the room and Wanda changed Juniper into a pair of plaid green sleep shorts and a black short-sleeve shirt.

She tucked Juniper under the blankets and made sure that she was warm. She pushed her short hair off of her face and made sure it was tucked behind her ears. She looked down at the woman and gave a weak smile. She felt guilty for not having paid more attention to the changes. She didn't know that it had gotten this bad and now here she was, passed out and not sure when she would wake up.

Wanda leaned down and kissed Juniper's forehead one more time, before exiting the room. She went out to the living room and sat down on the couch. When she had entered, the others looked over to her and noticed the look on her face, and determined that she wanted to be left alone for now. Wanda quickly got lost in thought.

Several hours later, Juniper still hadn't woken up and it was getting dark outside. Wanda went to Juniper's room and poked her head inside to see if she was still asleep and saw that everything was the same as she had left it before. She closed the door and went to her bedroom next door and sat down on her bed. 

Wanda changed into her own sleep clothes and got into bed. She stared at the ceiling for a while, contemplating how to help Juniper when she woke up and eventually began to grow tired. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Juniper had been extremely quiet over the past couple of weeks since their last battle. She had been relatively normal afterward, just glad that it was over and she could relax, but there was also this feeling of being not good enough to be a part of the Avengers. She had still been developing her elemental control when it started. She felt like she could have done more to help if she had had more time.

They all loved her and appreciated her and she was aware of that, but she couldn't help but feel worthless compared to them. She was the newest after Peter joined, but not the youngest. Tony and Steve were the most experienced and had been around the longest. Nat and Clint had been with S.H.I.E.L.D before joining the Avengers and had that experience under their belts. Bucky had experience as well, a bit different than the other Avengers, but regardless, he knew what he was doing. Bruce didn't like his 'gift' but used it when necessary, he strongly preferred the science and numbers side of it all. And then there was Wanda. She also had experience and had an amazing gift that was beneficial and useful.

Juniper knew she wasn't useless, but she worried that she was getting in the way because of her lack of experience. She hadn't been in as many battles as the others and she was still working on developing her talents better.

She could control all of the elements and use them in any way possible. This was a great gift to have, but it was difficult trying to harness them and figure out how to use them to her advantage. She had figured out water and fire easily and then air had come next, but trying to use her earth controlling elements was much more difficult. It showed in this last battle specifically.

There was a building that had been falling and it was in the process of crumbling when the top half of the building split from the bottom. She had failed to keep from falling. She had been so focused on keeping the water back from the reservoir breaking and then tried to multitask and keep the building up for a few more seconds, but she hadn't noticed in time. People had been crushed under the building and she remembered vividly hearing their screams and then the sound cutting off.

She had woken up several nights in a row with tears coming down her cheeks and sweat on her skin, terror coursing through her veins. And that's currently where she was headed.

She shot up in bed, tears running down her face, a thin sheen of sweat, and her chest heaving, trying to catch her breath. She opened her eyes and in front of her stood a tiny child covered in ash. A young boy, no older than 7. He was one of the individuals who had died underneath that building.

She scrambled out of bed, a new wave of fear coursing through her. The child started taking steps toward her. She backed up further and felt her back hit the cold wall.

"You could have saved me," the child said.

She felt like a deer caught in the headlights. She knew she would have saved them had she had more time but she didn't have more time and she couldn't save them. It had been too late once she realized. In her mind though, the child was right. She could have done more.

"I - I'm sorry," she spoke. "I tried, I really did."

There was another voice on the other side of the room. She looked over and saw a woman of maybe 30 years old. She was also covered in ash and dust.

"You could have tried harder," the woman said.

"You let us die," came a third person.

The panic was setting and she found herself back into the corner of her room. She started scratching her arms and they became red and soon she had broken the skin, red liquid flowing down her arms. She was now starting to hyperventilate.

You didn't do enough.

You let us die.

You are responsible.

Don't you feel guilty?

Why didn't you do more?

The taunting voices grew and they grew closer to her. She screwed her eyes shut and the voices grew louder and louder. She clamped her hands over her ears, not realizing she was digging her nails into her skin.

Juniper fell to the ground and pulled her knees to her chest. She began sobbing aloud and shouting.

"S-stop, I'm sorry!" She cried out to the phantoms in her room.

The voices continued to shout at her and she screamed in terror. It was such an overwhelming feeling of terror and guilt. It felt like it would never stop. It was as if those people were still alive and present in this room with her.

She heard someone calling for her through the voices and then there were hands on her arms. She started kicking and trying to get them off. She screamed out of sheer panic. 

"Juno, open your eyes!" A woman's voice came through the chaos. It was familiar so she listened.

When she opened them, she saw Wanda in front of her. No one else was in the room except for them. The other Avengers had been woken up and came running when they heard her panicked screams and cries, but Wanda had been the first to arrive on the scene.

The Avengers were all shocked to see that it was just Juniper. She had been in the corner of her room screaming and crying and begging for someone to stop and that she was sorry. For what, they didn't know. For the others, it was an empty room with their team member in emotional distress. But to her, she had thought many people were talking to her and coming after her.

Wanda crouched in front of her as she stared at her for a moment before looking around the room rapidly, panic still evident and at the forefront of her mind.

"T-there was a little boy and a woman a-and others. They were all yelling about how they died and how I didn't save them." A choked sob escaped her mouth and more tears fell. "They were getting closer and I felt my skin crawling, l-like their hands were on me. And their v-voices were so loud." She continued to cry.

Wanda grabbed her face gently. "They aren't here and you're safe," she spoke softly.

Wanda pulled her into her arms and she proceeded to sob into her girlfriend's chest. She rubbed her back and held her head. As she stroked her hair, she noticed a wet spot and pulled her hand away to see blood on her fingertips. She pulled back from Juniper and saw that her fingertips were bloody as well. She noticed the blood seeping from behind her ears and more on her forearms.

"Juno, can I see your arms?" She asked and Juniper nervously nodded.

She leaned back and extended her arms. As Wanda looked, she saw deep gashes from where she had scratched too hard. Wanda held her wrists gently and realized they were still bleeding. Wanda looked around the room for something to catch the blood. She saw a towel lying nearby and grabbed it, wrapping it around Juniper's wrists.

Wanda looked over to the doorway to see Bruce, Tony, Steve, and Thor still standing there watching with concern. Juniper felt herself caving in under their glances. She knew they were probably just worried for her, but she felt judged. It made sense. She was losing her mind.

"Bruce, she's bleeding. Can you take a look?" She asked the doctor standing there.

The man nodded. "Of course," he spoke.

Wanda stood up and gently coaxed Juniper up off the floor and out of the corner. She walked on shaking legs and Wanda held most of her weight. They made it up to Bruce's lab and Wanda lifted her so she was sitting on a small medical table. Wanda stood nearby to Juniper and Bruce got to work.

The doctor calmly unwrapped the towel from her arms and cringed a bit from the bloody sight. He wasn't unfamiliar with gore, he was just hurt emotionally that his friend was going through such mental torment that she was taking it out on her own body. 

Wanda was equally if not more, disturbed for the same reasons. She was genuinely concerned for her lover's mental health and well being. She had grown used to the idea of collateral damage, but Juniper wasn't as accustomed to this issue.

Bruce cleaned off her arms as best as he could with soap and water and used tweezers and scissors to get rid of dead tissue that wouldn't bond back. He stitched up the deeper scratches and then wrapped her forearms to just below her elbows.

He then moved to the cuts behind her ears and followed the same process. The entire time, Juniper sat there numbly with a tired look on her face and tear stains. Every once in a while, she flinched from the pain of having her skin sutured but otherwise didn't move.

Juniper sat on the table, staring straight ahead out of the window of the lab. Wanda watched her with a concerned expression. It was clear to see that she was depressed and tired. Tired is too weak of a word. Exhausted was a better descriptor of that look.

She was paler, thinner, and had dark circles growing under her eyes. This was the breaking point for her. Her nightmares for the past month had led up to this.

The whole team had noticed a difference in Juniper after the first week. At first, it seemed like genuine exhaustion or burnout, but after a few days, generally, she would come out of it. It had been weeks and she was getting worse. She was jumpy, anxious, melancholic, and depressed. She wasn't sleeping, she wasn't eating, but she would go-go-go and then eventually collapse and have a nightmare she had been attempting to avoid.

Wanda wanted to fix it, but she didn't know how to. This wasn't her specialty. She could read minds, but that didn't mean she could fix broken minds. She would try to help Juniper though.

Bruce eventually finished his suturing and left the lab, leaving Juniper and Wanda inside. She stepped in front of the woman and she stared down at her hands. Wanda leaned down slightly and placed a hand on the side of her girlfriend's face and the other on her arm. She continued to stare down, not mentally present.

"Juno, come back to me," she spoke and she slowly lifted her head and focused her eyes on Wanda. "There she is," she spoke with a smile in her voice.

A lone tear fell down Juniper's face. "W-Wanda, I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I can't get their screams out of my head and this feeling of guilt." She paused and wiped the tear away, catching a glimpse of the bloody gauze on her arm.

Wanda wrapped her arms around Juniper and they rested their foreheads together. "When does it go away?" She questioned the woman.

"I honestly don't know, but it gets easier," she spoke. "Eventually, it lessens and you realize that you saved more lives than there were lost. You eventually get used to the idea of the consequences any battle has. It just takes time." She explained as best as she could.

Juniper nodded her head lightly as she let her eyes rest closed as she was held comfortably. They sat like that for a few more moments, before they pulled apart.

"Let's get you to bed," Wanda said and helped Juniper off the table.

The two women started walking back to Juniper's bedroom, but she halted in her tracks and Wanda noticed when she felt stopped, being held back by her girlfriend's grip on her hand. She turned around and looked at Juniper, wondering why she had been stopped.

Juniper had a fearful look on her face and was shaking slightly. Wanda stepped closer to her and held her face gently with one hand and placed a hand on her arm. She stroked her cheekbone and Juniper leaned her face gently into Wanda's hand.

Wanda peered inside her mind and saw the thoughts swimming there. Juniper was afraid to go back to sleep in case it happened again and she woke up to the phantoms. She was scared there was going to be another nightmare and she would be faced with those memories. 

Juniper shuddered for a second after Wanda's eyes went from red to blue. "I don't want to go to sleep yet," she spoke softly.

Wanda sighed. "You can't avoid sleep forever, Juno," she said.

"I know, just a little while longer," she exclaimed.

Wanda thought for a moment before nodding. "A little bit longer," she said.

They both took a seat on the couch and grabbed a large blanket, wrapping it around the two of them. Juniper curled into Wanda and Wanda wrapped her arms around her. She kissed the top of Juniper's head and the woman sighed, feeling content for a moment. She looked up at Wanda and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"I love you," Juniper said with genuine feeling.

Wanda smiled softly. "I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm considering making this one-shot into a full story where the relationship between Juniper and Wanda is fleshed out more and there are some other relationships involved. Maybe an interesting conflict point. Let me know if you would like to see more of this pairing and more of my original character, Juniper Alder. Thanks!


End file.
